Thursday, January 9, 2014

A Friend Lost, A Lesson Learned


         I mostly write about Asian dramas and movies on this blog but today's post will be a bit more personal. I attempted to look up an old friend today that I haven't talked to for a few years. We met at technical college in history class, we quickly became friends and took several more classes together over the next few years. Then the unthinkable happened, my friend Amanda became very ill and had to be hospitalized. While she was in the hospital and very sick, she developed water on her brain. This caused her serious mental issues and she was never the same person again. She wasn't able to finish school, lost her job that she could no longer do and wasn't allowed to drive anymore due to her mental state. I went to another college in another city and we lost touch. While looking her up online I came across something that shocked me to the core, her obituary. She had died on March 9th of last year. I have never had someone I was close to die before and it hurts so much more than I could ever imagine. I was shaking and couldn't breathe as read obituary, then I searched to make sure that it was really her. I am so numb right now and  I can't stop crying. I am also experiencing another emotion more powerful than the grief, anger. I am so angry at myself. I'm angry because I feel like a terrible friend. I let those years go by thinking I would always have time to see her one day-there were so many other things going on and I pushed our friendship aside. Now it's too late, I let those precious years go by and now she's gone. I have a bad habit of doing that to friends, I'm not good at keeping in touch and I'm honestly not a super reliable person. I want to change that, I have to change that. I have friends that are amazing individuals and care about me. My friends have stuck by me through the roughest years of my life and I don't deserve them, not one bit. It's a new year and it's time for some drastic changes, I need to start living my life and be a better friend and person. I hate how you don't realize certain things until something monumental happens. 

       Amanda was a great person and a fantastic friend. She was beautiful inside and out, however cliche that sounds. She had one of the most amazing voices I have ever heard, she especially loved to sing Gospel music. She was funny and loved movies as much as I did. I miss her and I don't think I will ever meet anyone like her again. She was a Christian so I am comforted to know that she is in Heaven and no longer suffering. I will never forget her, nor will I ever forget any of the great friends that I've had in my life.

Amanda K. Powell


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